Born with a king&#39;s heart

"Welcome back, nephew."

And there he is, standing, smiling, with this expression on his face. It's probably not entirely unfamiliar to Zuko. It's the why, no, while you were out I certainly didn't rummage to the extent permitted by my personal moral code and find all kinds of amusing and/or intriguing things scattered around your suite. Why would you think that? expression.

Having an uncle like Iroh is a blessing, certainly - but it's also something of a trial.

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Too bad that mashed up little plush face couldn't, y' know, convey his pure irritation.

"Uncle. I guess, then, that Annie hasn't found you." While he was being chewed on by dogs, tortured by werewolf-puppets, and getting into a puppet slap fight with the Avatar.

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"The dogs thought he was a chew toy," Steph says, holding him out a little awkwardly. "I thought - better not leave him in the Bar."

"Have you seen the Avatar?"

How do you like being discussed as if you're just a plush toy, Zukes? O WAIT.

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"Don't squeeze!" Zuko snarls, as his voicebox goes off. "That thing is awful!

He is a fussy little doll, isn't he, Iroh?

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"It sounds like he did have the worst of it," Iroh says, taking his plush nephew from said plush nephew's girlfriend. "Are you well, nephew? No permanent damage, I hope."

Because if there is, then Iroh's not going to be happy. But if there isn't, it's funny!

He blinks a little at the voicebox activation, and does his best uncle-y duty not to burst into peals of laughter that will drop him to the floor writhing in hilarity. Even if that wouldn't make Zuko broody, it's no good for his old bones. Still, the barest ghost of a chuckle does win through.

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That's not helping Steph keep a straight face there, Uncle! She's trying so hard.

"He looks okay. I haven't, um. Inspected. I thought I'd better, y'know, leave that to you." Because of being the dumpee here.

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"I said I'm fine. I have merely been slobbered on," Zuko drawls, trying to keep his dignity on. "It's no less humiliating then, say, faking paralysis so someone can get into a compromising position with a woman half his age."

He TOTALLY HEARD YOU LAUGH, and this, this is his bitchy revenge.

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"Yes, that could be humiliating, couldn't it?" Iroh says, with no self-consciousness nor self-awareness at all. "Shameful. Very shameful."

He looks over the tiny puppet briefly.

"But there is more to worry about than humiliation, surely. What if a... seam... is ripped? You might be... leaking stuffing... without even knowing it."

...okay this is hard to get to grips with.

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"I have a needle somewhere," Steph says, looking around the suite. She's left all sorts of stuff here.

(That sort of makes her flinch to remember. But - stuffing-leaking prince, priorities!)

"I can sew you up."

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"I'm not ripped!" Zuko is not sure he wants either his uncle or his ex-girlfriend starting to -- to -- WHATEVER they might do to him. "Just put me down in a chair and I'll be fine."

And nothing will leak.

Right?

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"As long as you are sure," Iroh says, in his I will be checking, you do know that, don't you? voice.

Very carefully, he sets his nephew down in the nearest chair.

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"I haven't found out what's going on yet or how to turn it back," Steph says, shoving her hands in her pockets now that she hasn't got anything else to do with them. "No-one seems to know. You haven't - heard anything?"

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"Not a word," says Zuko. And then. "...Uncle, wh-- wasn't there some books on this table?

OH GOD HE'S REALLY GONE THROUGH THE STUFF, HASN'T HE?

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"Oh yes. I shifted them to the bookcase." He smiles. "Of course, the bookcase was full, so I reorganised it. And while I was at it, I thought I would collect the other books from around the place."

You can't judge Iroh for any of that, surely! All very virtuous!

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Steph shoots Zuko a sudden look of PURE PANIC. He's been here since she left. He must have cleaned up. They had a huge fight. He would have thrown ... lots of stuff ... he'd have thrown it away, right? He'd have burned it! He's a neat boy! He wouldn't have left ... anything incriminating!

... Steph is suddenly uncomfortably aware that her ex's uncle has totally found knickers in the couch.

She could go a brighter red. If you had paint. "That was very ... kind of you."

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Zuko is briefly grateful that he is a nonblushing plushie.

"I see," he says without inflection. Best not to provoke anything that might -- be considered funny to Iroh. Nope. Not like a small slip of said knickers to Stephanie.

Right.

Just sitting here. Very quiet now.

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Oh, Zuko. Surreptitiously slipping the knickers he found in the couch to Stephanie would, indeed, be most amusing. But that would imply that it ended at couch-knickers, and the monster you don't see is always more horrific than the one you do!

That's why the most amusing thing to do in these circumstances is to simply smile, say nothing, imply everything, and wait for one or both of them to crack so hard...

"Think nothing of it!" he says, with an expansive smile. "I was pleased to do it. Who would like tea, while I'm standing?"

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"I ... should be downstairs," Steph says blankly, with an appalling attempt at an innocent smile. "I have to ... um. Security! I'm on duty."

Yeah. ANYTHING TO GET AWAY FROM THE SUDDENLY SLIGHTLY OPPRESSIVE ATMOSPHERE.

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Silence. So much silence.

He's one with the chair. They're both-- fabric-y.

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"That is a shame," Iroh says to Stephanie. "Do come visit again!"

Yes, Iroh feels no compunctions about opening up Zuko's suite to ex-girlfriends.

And, hey, if nobody else wants tea, Iroh does. He's off to the tea-making part of the suite without a second thought.

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"I'd, um, love to," Steph says. THIS IS A LIE. "But I totally have to go."

Yes, Zuko, she is abandoning you to the avuncular inquisition. YOU can answer the sticky questions! She's so outta here.

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joye-of-snackes.livejournal.com

Now, never let it be said that Nanny can't tell an awkward family moment when she sees them. Or that she doesn't know when it it would be embarrassing for a relative stranger to come bustling into a private bedroom.

She's just cheerfully shameless and completely nosey. So as Steph opens the door, an elderly woman in black is there, looking exactly like she was about to come in anyway.

"Wotcher!" she says cheerfully, brandishing a dustpan and brush in a bright cheerful red to match the pinny she's tied around her waste. "Cleaner!"

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"...what?" That's Zuko trying to peer over the damn armrest. "...what the hell is that, Uncle? We don't have a cleaner."

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"That was also what I thought," Iroh says. "Had I known that cleaners are actually present, I would not have straightened out your couch cushions for you."

Sure, Iroh's suspicious too, but one can't let an opportunity to embarrass one's nephew slip.

And then one immediately has to move on. "Good day!" he says to the thus-far-unheard-of cleaning staff. "A pleasure to meet you!"

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