Song for the Broken Hearted [Milliways]

[princeinexile]

She was a pretty girl, he realized. A pretty girl who liked him. It wasn't -- electric passion born of conflict or rebellion or anythnig -- complicated. She was a girl, he was a boy. She saw a boy-- scarred, shy, uncertain-- and wanted to know him better.

He didn't know how to feel about that; weirdly elated, incredibly nervous, or simply lost. There was no comraderie between warriors, no near-eletric passion between the desperate, no empathy among the fallen. It was normal and natural and almost sweet.

It's why he kissed her; light and chaste and normal-- none of skipping the steps of courtship, no rushing-- just--

--just a light press of lips, a soft puff of breath--

--and the hideous knowledge that he couldn't have nice, and sweet, and normal. That's why he'd-- that's why-- he'd-- left--




She looked so sad when he ran.




Now he laid on his narrow bed, and tried not to think of a dolphin bracelet rendered in silver, or the fact he could map scars from crown to toes on another girl... a world away.

He sighed heavily and Jin and Stephanie's sadness and bewilderement threatened to suffocate him.

"Uncle," he says quietly, trying to think of anything else to say, anything to distract himself, "Uncle--" how do you do this? when does it stop hurting? "Ho... how was work?"

It was something, right?

Comments

[ginsengdragon.livejournal.com]

Iroh is never fooled as to his nephew's intentions. Very possibly Zuko is asking a friendly, polite question about his uncle's day, but Iroh wouldn't bet fireflakes on it. This is a sought distraction. Iroh's good at providing that, though.

"We are very busy recently," Iroh says. Easy enough to say it; it's a good memory. "I was quite run off my feet with the orders! But it was today I noted that we are starting to attract a clientele who really appreciates good tea, which is a joy."

Zuko will provide the levers to open his doors over the course of the conversation. Iroh is sure of it. If he presses, his nephew may flee.

[princeinexile]

It is good that Iroh understand his nephew.

Also, Zuko asked about a work day he was there for. He has not grasped the subtle art of 'fishing' in conversation for much of anything.

"Ah," he says quietly. Very simple and nondescriptive. "I don't-- think Jin will be back."

Secretly, he's not sure if he should hope one way or another about that.

[ginsengdragon.livejournal.com]

"That is a shame," Iroh says, keeping his voice neutral. He figured, from the way Zuko came back, that his date had not exactly been a coup. "She seemed nice."

[princeinexile]

"That's the problem," says the boy on the cot. "She is. But... uncle."

And herein lies the frustration: he doesn't know what to say or how to say it. It is easy to feel or emote about it, or sulk or throw a fit or-- anything else. But saying the words gets sticky.

Words make things real, in a more tangible, more explainable way.

"Uncle-- I just--" He wrestles again, with his unruly tongue, "... She's too nice. She'd just-- be disappointed."

He's not a bad kid; he knows (hopes) he'll go home some day and he's not taking some Earth Kingdom peasant with him anymore then he's taking Stephanie across te boundary between life and death.

It's not fair to the girls, to lie to them.

[ginsengdragon.livejournal.com]

Ah, disappointment. A sensation Zuko is all too familiar with, thanks to somebody's little brother and his wonderful parenting skills.

Iroh knows to tread carefully here.

"If she is disappointed, that means that... her expectations have not been met." This is how one knows that Iroh is old and wise. He's read the dictionary. "A woman's expectations can be hard to fathom, and may not be what you expect them to be."

Iroh considers pointing out that many women he'd expected to disappoint ended up quite happy with the situation, but from recent history, he doesn't think his nephew wants to hear that sort of thing.

[princeinexile]

No, probably not.

Zuko fidgets, and he says, halting-- the words dragged past his lips like a dentist yanks teeth-- as he says, "I disappointed Stephanie." Pretty little blond spirit girl that she was. "She didn't understand."

And that bothers him; why don't they understand this need to go home? Not even Iroh really seems to get it anymore...

[ginsengdragon.livejournal.com]

Ah, that would explain some things. Iroh personally thinks that these little spats show up frequently, and it's through resolving them that the relationship becomes stronger. Still, given his nephew's tone (and what he knows about him; despite his deep and abiding love for Zuko, he knows that the young man is not exactly a master diplomat), Iroh figures that this is not how this one went.

Besides, this might have been more serious than a spat.

"What was it she didn't understand, nephew?"

[princeinexile]

"Why-- things weren't-- going to work. I can't-- take her here, and I can't live in that-- inbetween place." Milliways is not a place one can live their life, not when you have DESTINY !!!! stamped in big letters (or an arrow) on your forehead.

"Jin'd just be the same. I can't-- do that. It's not fair to anybody."

Really, it's a fairly mature acknowledgement of circumstances leading to pain downt he road. It's just-- he opted not to change his course rather then work at it.

[ginsengdragon.livejournal.com]

Ah. Iroh wishes he was more surprised. He would ask for confirmation that his nephew and the pretty blonde girl aren't together any more, but he doesn't really need it.

"And so you could not put your future aside." Iroh nods. "Part of being a man is making these decisions; what is most important. And each man makes them for himself."

He sits back, ponders his strategy. How best to explain to the young man?

"But the future is... well, it is in the future. There are those who are happy without a future, as long as they have now." Which Prince Zuko never really understood. "And there are those who are not. She was the latter?"

BONUS HIDDEN QUESTION: did you try to find out?

[princeinexile]

"Uncle," Zuko says tersely, "She's dead."

Of course she was happy without a future. She had him, it was fine, they said nothing about the great elephantboar in the room all the time.

Duh.

[ginsengdragon.livejournal.com]

Well, it's not typically something you mention.

"She is, isn't she?" Iroh says, placidly. It helps to have visited the Spirit World.

[princeinexile]

"And I'm not."

Thus, he has a future he wants and she has no future and is okay with him not having a future. But--

--Zuko isn't.

Ipso facto: We have a relationship failure.

[ginsengdragon.livejournal.com]

Nor is Jin, Iroh nearly says, but that's both irrelevant and too confrontational.

"And so you believe it was for the best." There's no judgement in Iroh's voice, one way or the other.

[princeinexile]

"I ...have to continue my life here," he says, and does not add such as it is allowed, even if one can practically SMELL the dissatisfaction wafting from the bed.

[ginsengdragon.livejournal.com]

And it's not a smell Iroh cares for. He sighs inaudibly.

"Remember, Prince Zuko. You are the one who decides what your life is. No matter how it seems, you decide your own destiny."

Iroh turns around.

"Will you excuse me, nephew? I am growing tired."

[princeinexile]

The sinking feeling that he's somehow disappointed his uncle, too, adds to the stink.

Zuko rolls over and sighs.

"Good night, uncle," he says, very quietly, and does not speak again the rest of the night.

Some things just aren't worth speaking of, anyway.